New year, new resolutions

To be honest,
2018 starts with struggles for me.

I thought I had the biggest battle before,
and I fought hard for it
But this time, I feel really hopeless.
I'm not sure if I could survive.

My current resolution, I just want to run, so far that i could be free from all of this.
I really hope I could do that but I know it is the most stupidest move or action I can do to resolve any of the issues.

Sometimes i feel, it is good that this life is some sort of movie or dream that I am able to woke up and get rid of it. But this is the reality.

The only way to get away from the real is die. But dying will affect everyone.
I don't want to be a burden even after I die. I want to go with peace and also left behind my family with nothing but good memory.

I know I have to face this with positive intention, but too much things scrambling my mind sometimes it distracted me from becoming positive. too much noise to care. I feel I can't take care of myself now.

Drama triangle

I learned a lot today
but to educate other people of your understanding, it's tough

If you seen drama triangle, don't get involved with it,
you have to advise people who are in it, in a spectrum where you are at outside of the box

When I analyse things on my own perspective, people always judge me for giving sides of the people that they don't really favor with

For me, both parties contribute to the drama and I normally advise of what they had done towards whatever arguments the are in and let them think of their own wrong doings.

People normally don't realize of their own mistake
they only cared of what people make them feel without realizing that they are also giving extra salt to the arguments.

In current social situation whereby people always express what they felt by updating status and hope that the status will be read to the parties they intended to. And sometimes the status update may cause the other parties feel offended.

Why make things simple so complex then?
Why stirred out an issue that may bring chaos to other people?
Why we let our self become baits to external personal attacks?

Then suddenly you blame others for not treating you appropriately.
You blame everyone around you but never look at your own acts.

I personally feel this kind of people are not only pathetic but lonely kind of people.
Creating issue just to get attention. Wrong attention definitely.

MBA

Another journey to my life...
I signed up for furthering my study in master...

but not master in IT though...
surprisingly in Business...

I know right, what the hell am i thinking?
But after persuasion and advises from the people in the university itself, i opted for it...

attended first class last week...
great lecture i would say...
the quiz questions though... not so great...
you know why? it's really, really tough!

i have to juggle my time for assignments and homeworks...
i have to... or else i might  be left behind...

but when you come to the class...
after so long... like for me after 8 years from my degree...
it really reminisce me of the good old days in university...
but it is different when you take the course during your employment...

I never been so focused during my MBA compared to my degree...
Maybe when you know you have to pay the fee with your own blood sweat money
i will be more sacrificing ...

Birthday

For many people...
it's a special date to celebrate

the day we born to this world...
the day we become a son, a daughter, a child to our parent

for me, it's just another day
it's not a common thing in my family to celebrate our birthday
but it's a special thing for others...

so, i have no special greeting from both of my parents...
even my sibling...
i bet they don't even remember...
but i do remember theirs... but i never send wishes to them

why? i don't know... maybe i never had a birthday party since i was a kid
with my family
all of us never did actually...
maybe there is, but not that i could remember...
or...
maybe i was not there...

i do have small birthday parties before but mostly i celebrate it with friends
but not an annual event though...
if they remembers, then it will be celebrated
if not, it just a day for me to remember...
that i'm getting mature each year

thanks to FB, without your notifications
i may not even getting any wishes... maybe

but still, thanks to my friends for making some time sending beautiful wishes...
i really appreciate it.



i was born today, 29 years ago.
thanks mom, thanks dad.

thoughts

i feel like i'm getting insane each day
things that i love to do seems fading its attractions to me every day

i lost my passion...
i lost my interest towards everything

i don't know how i could regain my spirit once again?